FOR THE PAYING SUB: Don’t Book By Association


This has been a post that I have been meaning to write for quite some time.

In the professional domination industry there is no school, there are no certifications on being a dominatrix. Even years of experience can be an enormously different factor between two women as one Mistress may have 10 years of experience in a busy city and has seen over a thousand clients and another may have 10 years of experience in a quiet city where she has less than 300 sessions under her belt.

When women are not very good at what they do, other professionals do not exactly write about publicly it or warn others for fear of retaliation. People tend to just look the other way and mind their own business.

Some women will lie about themselves and put on a persona to seem like they are extremely skilled when they have almost no skills and even their social media followers are fake as they paid for them. Their 25,000 followers are really 8,000 real people and the rest are fake accounts bought by a company which may also include likes and retweets and things of that nature all bought as a package. (a sign of it is when followers never dip down, only increase and with a very small interaction between people in posts for the amount of followers they have.)

Sometimes unfortunately, we Dommes meet other Dommes who we assume are skilled and professional. They talk the talk. They look the part. We start associating themselves with them. We hang out. Film videos. Session. Attend events together maybe.
After a long while, we realize they talk the talk but they cannot walk the walk. Sometimes we do not notice this right away and we promote them and try to team up with them. When they aren’t so great in sessions we assume they must be having a bad day. They must be tired. They must be….hey wait a minute, I see a pattern!

Over time, we realize that these women are not who they had made themselves out to be, and are lacking in skills and professionalism in a major way as our own clients are requesting that they not be involved in our sessions together in the future. In sessions, we see them not being able to read the client, not being able to perform the bondage they told us they were experts at. We see them making amateur mistakes that someone with 10-15 years in the industry (not even someone 2 years in) shouldn’t be making. We see them going past limits, oblivious and unable to read the man’s facial expressions and grunts. We see them taking 45 minutes struggling to restrain someone to a bondage table for an hour long session (and after all that time, the guy can still move around, lifting his arms 2 feet off of the bondage table). We see them putting on a fake tough-girl persona that seems so forced it’s practically out of a soap opera because they are not a tough-girl in reality.

We realize that their seemingly professional and seemingly confident/tough persona is hiding a very broke and struggling and scared girl with little regulars because she isn’t good at what she does.

I wish I could say this was a rare thing, but this happens a lot to us.

It is unfortunate and common for people to book a Mistress because she is/was associated with a really wonderful Mistress who they know. Clients (subs) always assume that this woman MUST be amazing if she’s friends or teaming up with so and so. Then they book her and have the worst time. There are plenty of Mistresses who I would love to hang out with as friends, but would not work with for various reasons. There are plenty that I would work with for some appointments but not others.

Please subs, please never assume that someone is incredible because they are friends with or working with a great Mistress that you know. It is best to ask the Mistress that you know about her first. It is best to check for reviews. It is best to ask questions.

In the past I have had to cut women off from my double sessions with me because of client complaints and unprofessional mishaps. Unfortunately they went on to be booked by subs, only for subs to complain later to me and have said “Well I saw you working with her so I thought she was great.” This has happened to me on two separate occasions. (FYI: Women also do not react well when they realize you are cutting them off of your sessions either. It’s because they were relying on your sessions as they had very little of their own). Not just me, but MANY WOMEN OUT THERE have had to do this.

A sub of mine had this happen when someone was staying in his city last year and she didn’t actually immobilize him (he could still move all over the place, and being immobilized is the POINT of the session) and took half the session trying to get an electric toy on him that obviously didn’t fit. He’s not a wealthy guy and he wanted to cry when he left as he wasted $300 on what he felt was the worst session of his life. What he didn’t know is I stopped doing appointments with that Mistress after she almost sent one of my clients into an anxiety attack by doing something very stupid. 

Don’t book by association. Book by what you find out there as proof that this woman can do your appointment well. If you aren’t sure, ASK.